[ He's really not in the right state of mind to be thinking of the bigger picture, that maybe this was a ploy and not reality or whatever else. The inside of Eren's brain is actually tremendously blank of thoughts and almost entirely just emotion.
He doesn't react to the touch, hardly notices it at all— he's too busy reaching for his friend's face, senselessly feeling for a pulse and brushing his thumb against an eyelid (they're sunken). He's mortified, but he refuses to avert his gaze, and his breathing is panicked until she speaks.
Minatsuki is calmer. Why wouldn't she be? If this were a consolable situation, maybe that would rub off on him, too— but it's not. He listens without looking at her, shoulder shaking under her hand. It takes too long to find a response, but her words are almost warm in that strange, mutual violence they share sometimes.
He had her support. And it was a distant comfort when his legs feel so heavy, but— ]
Y... —Yeah.
[ There are tears swelling at his eyes. He doesn't bother pushing them away, and as usual his fury is wild (and totally predictable), but this time his voice is unsteady with equal parts anger and anguish. ]
This place... [ he chokes up, moves on— ] won't be enough to hold their corpses.
[This is the first time she's ever seen him cry. Now, she knows he wears his emotions on his sleeve, but never did she think he would openly shed tears.
Minatsuki isn't sure how she feels about bearing witness to such a display of emotion. A part of her understands---it's always hard to lose someone you care about---but another part of her just wants him to stop.
Because it hits her a little too close to home. Strikes too many chords she outright forgot she had.
Once again, she's at a loss. How could she handle someone else's emotions when she barely had a grasp on her own? That said, the best she can manage in terms of actual comfort is an awkward pat on his shoulder before letting it go and looking down while rubbing the back of her neck, sounding vaguely bashful.]
Yeah---I mean, you said he's your best friend, right? [Her eyes briefly flick toward the corpse.] He'd want you to keep on keeping on, you know? Because...that's what friends do or whatever, right---
[And that's when she finally takes notice of the injuries on his arms. She frowns.]
[ Ah, man. She was bad at this. But there's no right thing to say; what's appreciated is the effort. The fact that she hasn't just left him to the wolves yet. For a girl like her these sorts of emotions were probably awkward, and while he can't bring himself to stop because of it, there's a distant awareness that she's sitting through it anyway.
So, he's still furious. Will keep being furious. For the moment, though, he reaches for Armin's hands, a chill running down his spine at the texture of his skin, the frigidness of it, gripping them tight all the same. ] Don't force yourself, Mina. [ Neither of them needed the senseless condolences that came with these things. There's something sharp and pained to his grated tone and he's still crying, but the will behind it is steeled over. ] You'll help me kill who did this. That's what's important.
[ Because that's what friends like them did, right? It takes him several more beats to recover enough to speak again, but he finally reaches up with his other hand to swipe angrily at the tears, mind swirling around her question. He's not great at shifting and the benefits that came with it— even if his body would kick in automatically when it needed to, it's still hard to heal up any injuries at will. Especially not after his powers were yanked away for a week. His eyes barely shift from Armin's face to the unraveling bandages on his arms, bitemarks peeking through them. They hardly seemed important, but, ] They're... [ Hm. He brings his palm to his mouth, bringing his teeth down hard enough to show an indent to illustrate his point. ] mine. Kinda like your earrings. Nothin' big.
[ Which is easy enough to say when you're sitting over your friend's corpse. ]
[Minatsuki grunts, looking away partially out of continued embarrassment, but also because seeing him grip Armin's hands reminds her too much of when she was younger, trying to shake her mother back to life after inadvertently slicing her apart. It's like he's trying to will the kid into resurrecting in much the same way, despite knowing it was impossible, and there was no turning back.
But Eren was like that, she'd come to notice. Stubborn and unrelenting, even in the face of impossible odds.
She's still unsure whether to be irritated by that or admire him for it. She throws her hand up.]
I'm not. [Actually, it was like pulling teeth.] And you don't even need to ask me to help, moron.
[A promise was a promise, after all.
Minatsuki looks from his demonstration down to his arms again, sees hints of scarring from the bitemarks. Looks at him straight in the eye not long thereafter. She doesn't look disturbed or even shocked; just...vaguely understanding.
It made sense now. What had happened last week. Why the cold didn't seem to affect him even earlier.
He was the very thing he wanted so desperately gone.]
So they're connected to your power. It's how you trigger it.
[She looks off to the side. But she'd rather hear him confirm it.]
[ He almost laughs at that. Yeah, being comforting, being gentle— that's not why he trusted her. It wasn't even really the flowers that had willed him to ask for her help in the first place. She was like him, but more grounded (as odd as it was to think of a rage-filled teen as such); they could see the world for what it really was, and had suffered much the same. She helped him, anyway, despite the reminders, and despite the risk.
And that was something he wouldn't find in softly said condolences.
He keeps his hand where it is but watches her, trying to read what she was thinking. Had she put it together? Would she be afraid? It'd frightened a crowd of hardened soldiers— it'd frightened him. He wouldn't blame her.
She guesses right, and he nods, but: ]
I'm under orders not to say.
[ And he's not so scared that he won't keep eye contact, tears finally slowing, voice raw. He's frustrated, and sad, and furious, but all the emotions wear anyone down; for this, he's calmer now than he has been this entire conversation, if a bit apprehensive. ] But you've probably figured it out by now, right?
I figured, yeah. It's a hell of a secret to keep---your superiors probably don't want people freaking out and shit. You know, damage control.
[Minatsuki smirks somewhat wryly. Please. Her? Scared of a Titan? A Titan that's him? She's dealt with monstrosities that are a third of the size of one, and they could hit just as hard. She won't dismiss the possibility that he could go berserk as Mikasa did, but she'd try and knock him back to his senses all the same. If she could do it when he was in human form, then she sure as hell could do it when he was a Titan.
And if she died trying, at least it wouldn't be at the hands of someone she hated.
Besides---
---I'm a goddamn monster, too, dumbass.
She waves away his apprehension; she can see it in his eyes.]
So you can go Titan, Eren. Alright. Can't say it's subtle, but, hey, think of it this way: it's the ultimate 'fuck you' to the rest of them.
[Minatsuki raises her arm to the sky and flips her middle finger, snickering to prove her point.
But the irony isn't lost on her, and nor is this possibility: what'll happen if it ever ends for you? You'd be the last Titan, right?
....Will they just fucking get rid of you, since you'll have...outlived your usefulness or whatever?
She's not sure she wants to dwell upon it any further.
Because she's not sure if she'd be able to accept that. Not after all he'd probably seen, or been through.
[ He's okay with being a monster. Mostly. Like he'd been when he'd seen her powers— it ultimately didn't matter. What did was that her Branch of Sin and his shifting gave them power, made it so he might not have to sit back and watch anyone else die. That humanity might progress— his own monstrous life was a small price to pay for it.
But then his hand grips too tightly around Armin's, the texture of his skin all wrong— right now, it felt like nothing'd changed at all since he was a kid, slung over Hannes' shoulder.
His teeth work at his lip, threatening to split the skin before he sits up and looks at Minatsuki. She was alive. Mikasa, the rest of the Survey Corps, Annie— they were all alive. He'd failed Armin, but if he stays like this he was doomed to make the same mistakes (again and again, until there weren't any bodies left to lose). She was loyal in a way he couldn't understand, because she shouldn't be; she had no reason to stand by him, or risk her life to help his friends. To prioritize anything over her own life. To get a shallow grave's dirt on her hands.
But she had.
The world wasn't fair, but he'd accepted that. Because there's still work to be done and causes to win and people to save. He gives Armin's hand another squeeze, breath hitching in his throat as he gets to his feet. ]
Yeah.
[ He lets go, hand settling against the cover to shut it again. He'd have to come back and gather his gear, burn the body— but for now, he lets Armin rest. ] I'll use it to destroy them. The Titans... and COMPASS too.
[ One of his bites starts to close, unbidden. Steam lifts off the wound in a thin wisp, and he rubs at it with a low growl. ] Leaving us with these powers was a mistake, and we're gonna make the most of 'em.
[Minatsuki briefly eyes his regenerative abilities as they kick in---ah, so that explained why he seemed perfectly intact not too long after being shot up with acid (and dying) during the team game.
Yet that was the very reason why she felt an odd sense of loyalty toward Eren. He had every reason to steer clear of someone like her. She had a past. She'd done awful things. She was full of hate and resentment. He knew enough about her to build an impression of her---an impression that surely, should've been poor.
Any normal person would walk away, far, far away; as far as they possibly could. He should've given up. He should've severed ties with her.
Yet he didn't.
He didn't leave her behind. Actually seemed unwilling to.
She was the bigger monster by far, too.]
Hey, don't give these jerkoffs ideas, Eren. Our powers are our ace-in-the-hole.
[Minatsuki lets out a short laugh, and claps him on the shoulder.]
Just leave some for me, huh? Oh, and when you go home...
[If, more like, but she's sure a part of him knows that.
She rises to her feet, brushing dirt off her dress.]
...Take down those shitty walls, too, once you're done with the Titans. You got a world to see, after all.
[Because wouldn't that be the ultimate 'fuck you'?]
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He doesn't react to the touch, hardly notices it at all— he's too busy reaching for his friend's face, senselessly feeling for a pulse and brushing his thumb against an eyelid (they're sunken). He's mortified, but he refuses to avert his gaze, and his breathing is panicked until she speaks.
Minatsuki is calmer. Why wouldn't she be? If this were a consolable situation, maybe that would rub off on him, too— but it's not. He listens without looking at her, shoulder shaking under her hand. It takes too long to find a response, but her words are almost warm in that strange, mutual violence they share sometimes.
He had her support. And it was a distant comfort when his legs feel so heavy, but— ]
Y... —Yeah.
[ There are tears swelling at his eyes. He doesn't bother pushing them away, and as usual his fury is wild (and totally predictable), but this time his voice is unsteady with equal parts anger and anguish. ]
This place... [ he chokes up, moves on— ] won't be enough to hold their corpses.
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Minatsuki isn't sure how she feels about bearing witness to such a display of emotion. A part of her understands---it's always hard to lose someone you care about---but another part of her just wants him to stop.
Because it hits her a little too close to home. Strikes too many chords she outright forgot she had.
Once again, she's at a loss. How could she handle someone else's emotions when she barely had a grasp on her own? That said, the best she can manage in terms of actual comfort is an awkward pat on his shoulder before letting it go and looking down while rubbing the back of her neck, sounding vaguely bashful.]
Yeah---I mean, you said he's your best friend, right? [Her eyes briefly flick toward the corpse.] He'd want you to keep on keeping on, you know? Because...that's what friends do or whatever, right---
[And that's when she finally takes notice of the injuries on his arms. She frowns.]
Eren...what the fuck happened to your arms?
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So, he's still furious. Will keep being furious. For the moment, though, he reaches for Armin's hands, a chill running down his spine at the texture of his skin, the frigidness of it, gripping them tight all the same. ] Don't force yourself, Mina. [ Neither of them needed the senseless condolences that came with these things. There's something sharp and pained to his grated tone and he's still crying, but the will behind it is steeled over. ] You'll help me kill who did this. That's what's important.
[ Because that's what friends like them did, right? It takes him several more beats to recover enough to speak again, but he finally reaches up with his other hand to swipe angrily at the tears, mind swirling around her question. He's not great at shifting and the benefits that came with it— even if his body would kick in automatically when it needed to, it's still hard to heal up any injuries at will. Especially not after his powers were yanked away for a week. His eyes barely shift from Armin's face to the unraveling bandages on his arms, bitemarks peeking through them. They hardly seemed important, but, ] They're... [ Hm. He brings his palm to his mouth, bringing his teeth down hard enough to show an indent to illustrate his point. ] mine. Kinda like your earrings. Nothin' big.
[ Which is easy enough to say when you're sitting over your friend's corpse. ]
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But Eren was like that, she'd come to notice. Stubborn and unrelenting, even in the face of impossible odds.
She's still unsure whether to be irritated by that or admire him for it. She throws her hand up.]
I'm not. [Actually, it was like pulling teeth.] And you don't even need to ask me to help, moron.
[A promise was a promise, after all.
Minatsuki looks from his demonstration down to his arms again, sees hints of scarring from the bitemarks. Looks at him straight in the eye not long thereafter. She doesn't look disturbed or even shocked; just...vaguely understanding.
It made sense now. What had happened last week. Why the cold didn't seem to affect him even earlier.
He was the very thing he wanted so desperately gone.]
So they're connected to your power. It's how you trigger it.
[She looks off to the side. But she'd rather hear him confirm it.]
What is your power, Eren?
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And that was something he wouldn't find in softly said condolences.
He keeps his hand where it is but watches her, trying to read what she was thinking. Had she put it together? Would she be afraid? It'd frightened a crowd of hardened soldiers— it'd frightened him. He wouldn't blame her.
She guesses right, and he nods, but: ]
I'm under orders not to say.
[ And he's not so scared that he won't keep eye contact, tears finally slowing, voice raw. He's frustrated, and sad, and furious, but all the emotions wear anyone down; for this, he's calmer now than he has been this entire conversation, if a bit apprehensive. ] But you've probably figured it out by now, right?
no subject
[Minatsuki smirks somewhat wryly. Please. Her? Scared of a Titan? A Titan that's him? She's dealt with monstrosities that are a third of the size of one, and they could hit just as hard. She won't dismiss the possibility that he could go berserk as Mikasa did, but she'd try and knock him back to his senses all the same. If she could do it when he was in human form, then she sure as hell could do it when he was a Titan.
And if she died trying, at least it wouldn't be at the hands of someone she hated.
Besides---
---I'm a goddamn monster, too, dumbass.
She waves away his apprehension; she can see it in his eyes.]
So you can go Titan, Eren. Alright. Can't say it's subtle, but, hey, think of it this way: it's the ultimate 'fuck you' to the rest of them.
[Minatsuki raises her arm to the sky and flips her middle finger, snickering to prove her point.
But the irony isn't lost on her, and nor is this possibility: what'll happen if it ever ends for you? You'd be the last Titan, right?
....Will they just fucking get rid of you, since you'll have...outlived your usefulness or whatever?
She's not sure she wants to dwell upon it any further.
Because she's not sure if she'd be able to accept that. Not after all he'd probably seen, or been through.
The world truly was unfair.]
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But then his hand grips too tightly around Armin's, the texture of his skin all wrong— right now, it felt like nothing'd changed at all since he was a kid, slung over Hannes' shoulder.
His teeth work at his lip, threatening to split the skin before he sits up and looks at Minatsuki. She was alive. Mikasa, the rest of the Survey Corps, Annie— they were all alive. He'd failed Armin, but if he stays like this he was doomed to make the same mistakes (again and again, until there weren't any bodies left to lose). She was loyal in a way he couldn't understand, because she shouldn't be; she had no reason to stand by him, or risk her life to help his friends. To prioritize anything over her own life. To get a shallow grave's dirt on her hands.
But she had.
The world wasn't fair, but he'd accepted that. Because there's still work to be done and causes to win and people to save. He gives Armin's hand another squeeze, breath hitching in his throat as he gets to his feet. ]
Yeah.
[ He lets go, hand settling against the cover to shut it again. He'd have to come back and gather his gear, burn the body— but for now, he lets Armin rest. ] I'll use it to destroy them. The Titans... and COMPASS too.
[ One of his bites starts to close, unbidden. Steam lifts off the wound in a thin wisp, and he rubs at it with a low growl. ] Leaving us with these powers was a mistake, and we're gonna make the most of 'em.
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Yet that was the very reason why she felt an odd sense of loyalty toward Eren. He had every reason to steer clear of someone like her. She had a past. She'd done awful things. She was full of hate and resentment. He knew enough about her to build an impression of her---an impression that surely, should've been poor.
Any normal person would walk away, far, far away; as far as they possibly could. He should've given up. He should've severed ties with her.
Yet he didn't.
He didn't leave her behind. Actually seemed unwilling to.
She was the bigger monster by far, too.]
Hey, don't give these jerkoffs ideas, Eren. Our powers are our ace-in-the-hole.
[Minatsuki lets out a short laugh, and claps him on the shoulder.]
Just leave some for me, huh? Oh, and when you go home...
[If, more like, but she's sure a part of him knows that.
She rises to her feet, brushing dirt off her dress.]
...Take down those shitty walls, too, once you're done with the Titans. You got a world to see, after all.
[Because wouldn't that be the ultimate 'fuck you'?]